Bedtime Battles...

...sword battles that is.

It was evident from very early on that this little boy was not going to be lulled and sung to sleep, the way that I had imagined all children could be. Instead he likes to laugh himself to sleep; usually while running, rolling, dancing, jumping, and bouncing (sometimes literally) off the walls.

And I have come to love this about bedtime with my boy.

When I decided to become a parent, one of the things that I really wanted to establish was a pleasant bedtime routine. I didn't want to have the fight every night that so many parents talk about, where they feel like their children are intentionally trying to derail their evenings just to be difficult and the children can't feel any better about their parents' intentions. So I read all kinds of books and articles about kids and sleep and bedtime rituals and routines. I thought I had all of the best ideas about how to create a peaceful, loving, calm bedtime routine.

Then my baby was born.
He has had a playful spirit from the start (from in utero, really) and none of the normally suggested bedtime rituals seemed to induce sleep.

There was no soothing warm bath—he thought it was wildly amusing to splash and giggle.

There was no reading bedtime stories—the book was a toy, often a drum or a projectile.
There was no sleepy snuggle blanket—he used that for peekaboo.
There was no calming lullaby—he made faces and noises and found every word hilarious.

There was no amount of cuddling and rocking that would calm the urge to play at bedtime—he wanted to laugh!

None of these things created the sedating effect that the experts had me believing they would. It's not that he doesn't love all of these as comforting and quiet activities, just not at bedtime.

Nowhere did I find an expert who would condone jumping on the bed, wrestling, tickling, sword-fighting, splashing, or any form of physical, active, energetic play at bedtime. But why not? Sure, not everyone can fall asleep shortly after a wild romp, but there must be others who need this one last hurrah before they can wind down for the night. It started to seem like the advice given by experts about bedtime was really more about parents' convenience than what children really need.

When I thought about what I really wanted, it wasn't so much that bedtime be calm and peaceful but for bedtime to be a bonding time that was free of conflict. What he wanted was some active physical play with his parent/s at the end of the day. I realized that if I could let go of my notion of how bedtime was supposed to happen, we could both get what we wanted!

This is bedtime at our house: it's loud; it's wild; it's fun; it's bonding; it's exhausting; I love it.